I Am Dispelling The “Strong” Myth For Black Women In My Circle
Photo by Jennifer Enujiugha/Pexels
Sistahs!
We no longer have to or will we hold on to the “strong” idealism. Who gave this to us? Did we crown ourselves the “strong” ones?
Or did we have to take care of ourselves?
With so many other issues, did the world began to see our accomplishments as positive while we knowingly and unknowingly begin to whither?
As we come together for brunch, dinner, or just for a few drinks, my friends are experiencing those “suffer in silence” moments just as I am.
It feels good to know that we have taken care of someone or completed the task that was placed before us. It becomes second nature.
However, it drains us bit by bit.
We’ve been looked to and counted on to save the world at times. From global issues of racism, healthcare & education.
However, who stands for us?
Who waits for us to arrive to yell, “Surprise! We appreciate you!” Instead, we were the ones who thought of and arranged those events just for them to honor one another.
Who is our protectors in the world on a daily?
As a result of not knowing if someone will stand for us, again, we have to wear the hat and in many cases, the mask. of strength.
“Strong,” you say? More like holding up a constant end of a bargain that we really didn’t ask for. But we are always ready to fulfill.
However, it is time to end that way of life.
We are called strong as (single) mothers, women who are going through and having to work through whatever the situation is without help, and women who take care of everyone else.
Our having to be the responsible party for the situation or other times where we have been put in the position. Normally without a request for our input.
After so long, we have just started to believe that this is just the way it is.
It is such the norm that when my girls and I get together, we have the same experiences affecting us the same, depression, anxiety, and stress.
Most times we fear that if we are not the “strong” ones we will fail and ultimately let others down. At times, our responsibilities are massive, yet we push forward.
Because if not us, then who?
The best way we slowly change this expectation others have for us, we discuss honest ways to make changes.
We have now come up with an intention when we come together, we are no longer speaking about how the “strong” myth is tearing us down we will see it in a different light.
We are required to reveal what we’ve done to make the changes.
With each friend listening to the other about the changes we are making, we state one change that is in the planning stage.
We encourage each other to borrow someone else’s strategy to build our arsenal.
Photo by Rodnae Productions/Pexels
Here are ways Black women can begin to let go of the “strong” myth:
- Now that we are committed to living our life magnified, let’s start to believe that we deserve to be cared for. If we are still in the mental state that we are the caregiver who doesn’t deserve care, nothing blessed will happen. The cycle will just be repeated. Even if someone tries to support us, we would be so ingrained in how care is to be given by us and not received, that we will continue the slow descent. So, we must rise.
- Be intentional to do what makes us happy. Our happiness creates a level of how much we are determined to live our life magnified. Let others know that they will have to choose someone else to do the caring sometimes. Or if there are other areas where you are seen as strong change them. Be happy. If you want to chill and read your favorite book, drink for favorite wine or write in your journal without distraction, do it. Yes, it will feel weird at first, but the more you choose, others will begin to respect it or move on. Be happy.
- Correct those who refer to you as a strong woman. We are women who are doing what is necessary. We are women who have chosen to create spaces where we can live magnified, no matter what. We enjoy being taken care of. We want others to take some of the tasks off of our list. No more with this stigma. Yep, that is how it feels.
- Now that we are committed to living our life magnified, let’s start to believe that we deserve to be cared for. If we are still in the mental state that we are the caregiver who doesn’t deserve care, nothing blessed will happen. The cycle will just be repeated. Even if someone tries to support us, we would be so ingrained in how care is to be given by us and not received, that we will continue the slow descent. So, we must rise.
- Be intentional to do what makes us happy. Our happiness creates a level of how much we are determined to live our life magnified. Let others know that they will have to choose someone else to do the caring sometimes. Or if there are other areas where you are seen as strong change them. Be happy. If you want to chill and read your favorite book, drink for favorite wine or write in your journal without distraction, do it. Yes, it will feel weird at first, but the more you choose, others will begin to respect it or move on. Be happy.
- Correct those who refer to you as a strong woman. We are women who are doing what is necessary. We are women who have chosen to create spaces where we can live magnified, no matter what. We enjoy being taken care of. We want others to take some of the tasks off of our list. No more with this stigma. Yep, that is how it feels.
Conclusion
Although we won’t be able to change the world overnight with our newfound way of seeing black women, it is a start.
Even just for our own peace and letting our circle of friends know that being strong is no award and nothing to celebrate, in our eyes.
Society has changed so much that now we, as black women, are not even seen worthy if we are not breaking out back and spirit to do and be the beginning and the end all.
Living our life magnified does not include this rhetoric.
Caring for others and leading the way is one thing if you choose that route and it brings you joy.
However, those of us who have been silently suffering in our “strength” know that it is okay to begin anew.
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