When Was The Last Time You Felt Sexy? -

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I know for me, it is almost too embarrassing to say.

But since we’re here to open ourselves up to begin living freely and Magnified, I will be honest. It hasn’t been days, weeks, or months, but several years!

Trust me, over these double-digit months I have had short-lived quiet thoughts questioning myself about why this is, what’s wrong with me or whether I ever feel desirable again.

So, what normally happens is I just shake it off. I return to my daily routine of being everywhere to care for my family. Or go back to being everyone to meet life’s demands.

One of my regrets (I’m not even sure that’s the right word) is I quickly fell into the hustle culture many black women have somehow been tricked into.

With this being such a controversial topic, I had to question myself if hustle culture is a way to advance to success?

Or it is another way to prove our value by working ourselves ragged to where we are worked so thin, that we suffer in silence?

Because in no way will we be seen or thought of as a black woman not getting to “her bag” even if it costs her physical & emotional deficits.

That was me for quite a few years.

During those years, I was unable to emotionally connect because I was full of go-mode.

Did I want to connect in romantic relationships? Yes.

However, the “sexy” was not a feeling I could cling to. So I didn’t do sexy. Eventually, it wasn’t event a thought.

As part of my ‘new day’ of gaining a newfound freedom, I’m beginning to explore ways to bring sexy back. Hopefully, you will be inspired to do the same.

Sexy is Relative, Believe it or not!

Just within the last couple of months, I’d say November 2023, I began to realize that I deserve more.

I started to believe that I was highly capable to create the life I want without dragging myself into the ground (figure of speech).

This, to me, was my first step of becoming sexy.

The Re-Evaluation

I felt that I needed to begin with re-evaluating and re-assessing my circle. I had to make some decisions Which people in my life are adding to my growth.

Not just that, are they accepting of how I’m growing?

Are they challenging my choices? Are they creating a supportive space for me?
For me, this allows me to continue feeling and building the self-worth I already have.

I began to become comfortable in my skin.

What I enjoyed and preferred mattered.

The stress I felt when doing the “norm” began to be released when I wore what I wanted, continued not to not care about everything name brand (never was truly a care to me) but instead found who I was.

My sexy became about drinking the beverage of my choice from a beautiful glass. It also gave me the authority to use the dishes I loved even though it wasn’t a special occasion.

We have this mindset of sexy which is first doing it for a partner but for me, I was more interested in feeling it for me.

Flowers are one of my favorite gems. There’s nothing like a fresh bouquet of flowers in a vase on my kitchen table near the window.

It has always given me yet another feeling of freedom.

Taking care of my hygiene from that fresh shave to my pedicure gives me a sense of sexy.

I had been taking care of my nails and toes but I will be heading back to a professional to be waited on.

Another way I feel sexy.

Lingerie has never been my thing, but I would wear it to be seen. Now, I feel my sexiest in that satin robe. I enjoy cute nightshirts (which I will upgrade and get more of).

My next purchase will be new sheets and a comforter set. One that feels luxurious against my body and colors that make my heart sing.

I can’t wait.

Creating an environment that brings me joy is one that gives me a feeling of sexy.

I’m a candle girl.

Fresh scents changes my mood to positive every time. There is not a day that passes that I don’t light a scented candle in my home.

I always choose scents that are warm and relaxing such as caramel, pumpkin, lavender, woodsie, etc.

Such energy within my senses along with experiences as I mature has offered me so many ways to live life well.

Understanding, that there are so many levels to feeling sexy and that I choose what that looks like for me.

Is it different from the norm? Yes.

Will it be seen as truly sexy? Maybe to some.

However, it comes down to how you feel and how the adjustments within and around you are set to be the individual you are or are becoming.

Being sexy, who does it really matter to?

I know for me, it is almost too embarrassing to say.

But since we’re here to open ourselves up to begin living freely and Magnified, I will be honest. It hasn’t been days, weeks, or months, but several years!

Trust me, over these double-digit months I have had short-lived quiet thoughts questioning myself about why this is, what’s wrong with me or whether I ever feel desirable again.

So, what normally happens is I just shake it off. I return to my daily routine of being everywhere to care for my family. Or go back to being everyone to meet life’s demands.

One of my regrets (I’m not even sure that’s the right word) is I quickly fell into the hustle culture many black women have somehow been tricked into.

With this being such a controversial topic, I had to question myself if hustle culture is a way to advance to success?

Or it is another way to prove our value by working ourselves ragged to where we are worked so thin, that we suffer in silence?

Because in no way will we be seen or thought of as a black woman not getting to “her bag” even if it costs her physical & emotional deficits.

That was me for quite a few years.

During those years, I was unable to emotionally connect because I was full of go-mode.

Did I want to connect in romantic relationships? Yes.

However, the “sexy” was not a feeling I could cling to. So I didn’t do sexy. Eventually, it wasn’t event a thought.

As part of my ‘new day’ of gaining a newfound freedom, I’m beginning to explore ways to bring sexy back. Hopefully, you will be inspired to do the same.

Sexy is Relative, Believe it or not!

Just within the last couple of months, I’d say November 2023, I began to realize that I deserve more.

I started to believe that I was highly capable to create the life I want without dragging myself into the ground (figure of speech).

This, to me, was my first step of becoming sexy.

The Re-Evaluation

I felt that I needed to begin with re-evaluating and re-assessing my circle. I had to make some decisions Which people in my life are adding to my growth.

Not just that, are they accepting of how I’m growing?

Are they challenging my choices? Are they creating a supportive space for me?For me, this allows me to continue feeling and building the self-worth I already have.

I began to become comfortable in my skin.

What I enjoyed and preferred mattered.

The stress I felt when doing the “norm” began to be released when I wore what I wanted, continued not to not care about everything name brand (never was truly a care to me) but instead found who I was.

My sexy became about drinking the beverage of my choice from a beautiful glass. It also gave me the authority to use the dishes I loved even though it wasn’t a special occasion.

We have this mindset of sexy which is first doing it for a partner but for me, I was more interested in feeling it for me.

Flowers are one of my favorite gems. There’s nothing like a fresh bouquet of flowers in a vase on my kitchen table near the window.

It has always given me yet another feeling of freedom.

Taking care of my hygiene from that fresh shave to my pedicure gives me a sense of sexy.

I had been taking care of my nails and toes but I will be heading back to a professional to be waited on.

Another way I feel sexy.

Lingerie has never been my thing, but I would wear it to be seen. Now, I feel my sexiest in that satin robe. I enjoy cute nightshirts (which I will upgrade and get more of).

My next purchase will be new sheets and a comforter set. One that feels luxurious against my body and colors that make my heart sing.

I can’t wait.

Creating an environment that brings me joy is one that gives me a feeling of sexy.

I’m a candle girl.

Fresh scents changes my mood to positive every time. There is not a day that passes that I don’t light a scented candle in my home.

I always choose scents that are warm and relaxing such as caramel, pumpkin, lavender, woodsie, etc.

Such energy within my senses along with experiences as I mature has offered me so many ways to live life well.

Understanding, that there are so many levels to feeling sexy and that I choose what that looks like for me.

Is it different from the norm? Yes.

Will it be seen as truly sexy? Maybe to some.

However, it comes down to how you feel and how the adjustments within and around you are set to be the individual you are or are becoming.

Being sexy, who does it really matter to?

Are they challenging my choices? Are they creating a supportive space for me?
For me, this allows me to continue feeling and building the self-worth I already have.