If I keep hearing or reading this saying with no real plan, I will scream!
“You can create the life you love!”
It is said so easily but when you begin thinking through what that will take in this present day, it…is…exhausting.
Before this saying was a thing (long, long, long time ago), I had this long elaborate list of ideas of what I wanted out of life.
It included lots of money, a house bigger than life, an overflow of money, love, kids, and a husband who would give it to me.
The main thing I want is a softer life.
Currently, the main thing I want is a softer life. And I would adore one that includes more rest.
As a single mom there is, granted, a lot of responsibility. More in-depth, all of the responsibility.
I want a life that allows me to make money without working 60–70 hours a week.
I want a life that doesn’t require me to send a message every couple of months to remind my kids’ dad to send financial assistance.
I want to have part of my soft life to include not having to stress about whether all the bills will be paid each month.
Some are paid outright and some others have payment plans.
I constantly write down what this soft life would look like and how it will be created sustainably.
The way this economy has been so jacked up, who can create this lifestyle?
I’m sure there are plenty of people who can but I am unclear on how that would work for me.
The current financial increases over the last, let’s just say, 2 years have been astronomical.
Let’s start with the rent increase. I’m sure the real estate industry is feeling things a bit differently. More earnings for them.
Close to a year ago, my landlord of 5 years sold (or whatever he did with his property) the condo we rented from him.
It was a great place in a nice area, and it was close to everything we needed from grocery stores, the mall, the kids’ school, etc.
Never had any issues, the few times something needed attention in the place, he took care of it expediently. We loved it!
But because of this, I had no idea about the rent increase. Oh, my Lord!
We had to move and that was a process from hell all in itself. Then it added $500 to be already struggling budget.
This brought on the need for a 2nd job, less time for rest, and working extremely hard to be present for my children, even if sleepy and tired as hell.
Then the price of gas, the price of food, the cost of healthcare. All necessities that affordability is no longer reachable at times. More from the people is required as a result.
Degrees? Yes, I have them. Salary deserving? Of course not.
While prices rise, the salaries and hourly pay are not to equal the cost of living.
Then there is the list of what has to be done to care for the family. That tears away from anything soft that others think should be apparent for women.
Masculine behaviors you say I have? You know, that is the new conversation about women (specifically black women).
I have to be productive in all of these spaces in order to survive to create the life I want. Damn if you do and if you don’t.
So I take the road less traveled and ignore the opinions of others, usually the ones who offer nothing more.
Because I have these responsibilities, smiling while out is not always a priority, making sure I am on point in all areas where I am taking care of the business at hand, is.
Making sure not to lose our basic needs causes self-care to go out the window majoring of the time because I have other *ish* to do.
However, I had to become creative somehow.
Literally, I had to create the life I love. I just had to. I just felt a constant drowning. Always fighting for air.
I had to create from scratch, from my very core, which was empty most times.
With constantly working and being a mom, I had to choose joy.
It is so important to me to not only happy but to create a life, to the best of my ability, that my kids could love too.
It started years ago when I chose gentle parenting. Of course, that is a whole other topic I will dive into in a separate post.
Actually, I am always kind to my kids whether they are doing their best or not making the best decisions.
Oh, they will hear my thoughts on the issue but I give it to them in a kind way.
In between my busy schedule, I carve out time with the kids.
I self-assess regularly about what I enjoy. I then, seek out the small things I can do that brings happiness.
