Half naked on the road.
That’s what it feels like, even 14 years into the divorce. I started naked.
However, as I moved on with my children and began the journey of building a life for us, my nudity began to be slowly covered like molasses across morning pancakes.
Will I ever be covered once and for all?
That is my plan for this year in 2024. It has been a mental task. I had finally begun to tell myself that all was well and that I was doing a good job.
Of course, I’m telling myself this. It is no longer somebody else’s job to validate me. It is time to change locations. I deserve better than the middle of the road.
Bouncing back is crucial.
It represents my attempts, wins, and losses. It shows how there were times were I was on the road to emotional and financial recovery but then the deficits revealed themselves.
As the months have rolled by so have my hopes and dreams. I have accomplished degrees, and small businesses (that I am still trying to cultivate) here and there.
Yet, doing everything by myself, was like treading water or trying to come out of a hole with walls of loose dirt.
Having to work at least 2 jobs to take care of my family has been a challenge but it is necessary. Or is it?
I have had the pleasure and pain of navigating my thought process of how this ongoing full-speed-ahead work life has impacted my kids. Though they are a bit older, they still need me.
I spend more time out of the house than in, but that life stops this year.
I pray that God continues to help me forgive and soften my heart. I will be in our home instead of working multiple jobs and hours. I have ended that cycle.
It is time to live and finally have my children watch me grow instead of go. Such and wonderful decision that will change our lives for the better.
I will be able to learn very quickly how good it feels to no longer survive and choose to push forward and thrive.
Bouncing back and saying out loud that I would have been my first and most important step in our new life. Cheers to our 2024!